Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Cycle Day 1 is here!

As most of my close friends and family know, I am not the most patient of people.  Lately I feel like I live my life waiting for my next "cycle" to start so that I can do yet another infertility treatment.  Back when I started my IUIs (intrauterine inseminations) I was so naive about the whole thing and figured I would be preggo within a month or two.  Unfortunately I am now much wiser and more concerned and impatient with each new cycle.

I haven't had my period since the D&C on November 2nd.  Its not like I really WANT to have a period, but thats the price you have to pay to get started again.  The doc put me on Provera (progesterone) once per day for 10 days to get AF (aunt flo) to come for a visit.  So I finished the pills and was waiting and BAM, the back pain, cramps, and general feeling of ickyness came in full force- or so I thought. 

I called the nurse line to tell them that AF had arrived. Then, the nurse proceeds to ask me questions about it..... (Talk about embarassing!) and she determined that I wasn't having "full flow" yet so I should call back on Monday and give her a "flow report."  We determined that we would wait a couple more days and see what was happening before starting the BCPs (birth control pills.) It does seem nuts that someone trying to have a baby is put on BCPs, but it is their way to control the cycle before starting treatment again. 

I talked to the nurse today and she called just to see, "if I was bleeding or not." LOL  After our conversation she had to talk to the doc and see when for sure I should start the BCPs. It all seems so complicated!

Anyways, I guess I am just excited to get started again.  I never in my wildest dreams thought that in the course of one year I would have two full IVF (in vitro fertilization) cycles, two FETs (frozen embryo transfers) one chemical pregnancy, and a miscarriage.  When I type those things they seem like stuff that only happens to people in sob story movies from the Lifetime channel or things you watch on Oprah.  I never imagined that would be my story and something that would consume my life.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

My doctor has a heart!

When Brian and I met with Dr. S. a while back to discuss what was next, he said that he would look at how much we had spent at his clinic and come up with some type of discount for our next cycle.  Last Monday, I called the lady in charge of the financial stuff and asked her what the discount would be.  She had no idea so she e-mailed Dr. S. and said she would get back to me on Tuesday. 

I anxiously awaited her phone call on Tuesday.  Finally, late in the afternoon the call came in.  She told me that Dr. S. had reviewed our files and the amount we had paid and decided to do our repeat IVF for................. drum roll please.............. $3,000!!!! Oh my gosh! I almost fell out of my chair at work when she told me this!! She said, "I knew you would be happy!!" That was an understatement if I had ever heard one.  She also said, "Well you know you will still have to pay for meds, and the anesthesiologist fee, but $3,000 is what Dr. S. is going to charge for his fees." 

As soon as we got off the phone, I ran into the office and called Brian.  He was just about as shocked as I was to hear the news. Now, we will still have to pay $2000-$3000 for medications and $400 for the anesthesiologist, but that is not much compared to what the original total would have been (about $16000.)

We had thought about switching clinics for this round of IVF, but after meeting with the doctor, decided against it.  His generosity really shows me that he is a doctor that cares about people, and their desire to become parents.  He told us before that he had to be aware of what he was doing to us emotionally, physically, and financially, and this shows that he meant it. 

The holidays are a time to give to others and show people that humankind is good and not just about themselves.  The holidays are about giving what you can to those in need and paying forward what you have been so lucky to receive. 

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Constant Reminders

As I said in my previous post today, I am over a month out from my d&c.  I mostly have my feelings in check, but sometimes there are reminders out there that bring back those happy thoughts of what "could have been" and the reality of what is not. 

Today I went in for an ultrasound to check my lining and my antral follicles.  The ultrasound machine says your name, date, etc.  When I went in for the u/s on the day before my miscarriage it said 7w1d meaning that was how far along I was.  Today when I went in the machine said 11w6d.  I could have cried right there and then.  It took all of my strength not to cry in front of this ultrasound tech whom which I had never met before.  The 11w6d was staring me in the face as if to say "HA" this is where you COULD have been today had the pregnancy continued.  I would have been one day away from hitting that milestone of the end of the 1st trimester.  Instead, I am back at square one.  I feel like I am no closer to the ultimate goal of motherhood than I was 1 1/2 years and $35,000 ago.

Here we go again!

It has been one month and three days since my d&c.  Since then I haven't had to do any injections, patches, large amounts of pills, doctors appointments, blood draws, etc. While this past month has been hard, it has really flown by.  I feel like I have a great support system and everyone around me has really helped me get through this awful time in my life.

Today marks the beginning of a new cycle.  (Yippee!!) Yesterday I peed on a stick (POAS) to check and make sure that all of the HCG from the pregnancy was out of my system, and it was.  Since the d&c I have not had a period.  They say it can take a while to come naturally so Dr. S. decided to take some action to get it started again.  Thankfully, the doctor's office does appointments on Saturdays so I don't have to miss work for a quick ultrasound and blood work.  Ok, so here is what the appointment will entail today:
1.) beta HCG, E2 and P4 levels (pregnancy test, estrogen and progesterone levels)
2.) Kareotyping for both Brian and I (to make sure our genes are not incompatible)
3.) Ultrasound to check if I have any lining to shed and
4.) Ultrasound to check my antral follicles (aka resting follicles)

Tomorrow I call the doctor's office for the results of my blood work.  If everything is alright they will put me on some type of progesterone pill for 10 days which will cause me to get my period (yippee! NOT.)  After that, more blood work and a super fun test where they put a teeny tiny camera in my hoo-ha to look around and make sure that my uterus is A-OK after the miscarriage.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

And to top it all off......

Lately I have been really trying to think of things to do to take my mind off infertility.  However, I feel that I have been pretty unsuccessful.  I mean seriously, there has to be something out there to do that doesn't cost loads of money to do......  I am trying to save up for my next IVF cycle which will cost about $16,000! On a teacher's salary! I know, its funny, right?

Ok, moving on.... So yesterday I was at work and it was a pretty normal day.  I hadn't been feeling the greatest since Monday morning, but mostly becasue I had been going to bed super late.  The day was going fine until about 2:00. All of the sudden, it was like the classroom was on fire! I was so hot that I thought I was going to pass out.  But of course, what can I do about this? I have to just keep on teaching because the classes aren't going to teach themselves.  I made it to the end of the day and headed down to the nurse's office.  The nurse was gone, so the secretary took my temperature using this cool thermometer that you just swipe across the forehead.  Neat! She looks at it and goes, "Uh oh!" and told me that I had a temperature of 100.2.  Great, I thought, just great.  I went back up to my classroom and made some sub plans so that if I felt crappy later that I could call in and get a sub. (BTW- thats one hard thing about being a teacher- you can't just call in sick when you are sick because school still goes on when you aren't there.) 

By the time I was done making my sub plans I was freezing cold when just hours before I was roasting. It was then I knew that this "illness" was not getting better any time soon.  I got home, fell asleep for a while, woke up and took my temp again.  It was 102.3! This was getting bad, and fast! Thats when I decided that it was NOT a good idea to go to work and risk A.) getting sicker and B.) getting everyone else sick.

While it was nice to be able to stay home and rest, the looming thought in my mind was, "Will I have enough sick time left to do IVF again this spring?" IVF requires a lot of appointments which in turn means time off of work. This is my 3rd year at my job and this is the "critical" year because if I get renewed again, I will have tenure or non-probationary status.  So, I really don't want to do anything to not get renewed.  I have talked with both principals (I teach at two schools) and they are both very supportive of my decision to start a family.  However, I still don't want to do anything to make them question hiring me on for the long haul.