There are some days where I feel like a complete failure as a mom and today is one of those days. I just can't figure out how to keep everything under control.
As much as I try to be okay with not fully breastfeeding my boys, I'm not. I just can't get over it. I try and try and try, but I just don't know how.
My house 90% o the time is a wreck. Between the toys, dishes, and laundry I just can't keep up. I think I literally need to go through my house and get rid of 90% of what we own. But, that requires time and I just don't have it. I don't want to be one of those moms that can't invite anyone over for a playdate because the house is a mess. Even when my house is clean, its not nearly as nice as some of the others' I've been to. I met a really nice group of ladies that I would love to spend more time with, but I just don't feel like I can have them over. They live in a nice part of town, have nice houses, yards, and I feel like I would just be talked about because I'm not the same as them.
I feel very trapped in the house a lot of the time. Sometimes I feel bad for the girls that we can't get out more because its just too tough. I have been trying to take them out more when Brian is home, but he has a ton of school work to get done too so I feel bad asking him to watch the kids. He says that staying home is my job now, so I should be able to handle it all and most days I just feel like a big fail because I can't keep everything neat, organized and completely under control. But still, why should I have to do everything? He can't get downstairs to do laundry, so I get that, but why can't he fold laundry and put it away? I asked him 3x to make two phone calls and he still hasn't done it yet. I hate nagging, but what else am I supposed to do? Do everything myself? Lately he has been doing the dishes, sweeping, and cleaning up from dinner while I'm putting all the kids to bed but that's exhausting too.
And when am I supposed to get things done? If this is my "job" then I should be done at 5pm, right? I generally have 2-3 hours during nap time when I can do laundry or what not. I guess most days I would just rather nap/sit down/eat lunch or take some sort of a break... but perhaps I'm just being selfish and I should just suck it up and do stupid chores. I don't know.
Today has just been hard. I was trying to pump and Evy kept pulling the tubes out of the pump. I told her "no" a bunch of times but she just kept doing it. I know putting on the TV would solve that and she would just watch it, but I didn't turn it on because they have been watching way too much TV. I tried to re direct her to go play with her toys, find the doggies, whatever but ultimately I just stopped pumping because I couldn't take it anymore.
Okay, enough with all of that. I'm glad I got it out and now its time to get shit done because the kids are all napping.