Its been incredibly too long since I last posted here. This last year has been tough. Insanely tough. The girls are now 3 and have opinions out the wazoo. And my boys? They are TWO years old. Yes, you got that right. I have two "threenagers" and two cute little boys that are entering the terrible twos. We are out of the baby stage which opens up the possibilities for going places and doing things but there are also new daily challenges as well.
People keep saying that "it will get easier, just wait." But, I truly think that things don't get any easier, the challenges just shift and change.
Parenting isn't easy, and we all know that. But, what really caught me off guard is how hard it is to connect to other moms and find my village. I've invited random moms over from my Mothers of Multiples group and that didn't go well at all. Once, I hosted a playdate where I think 10 or 12 moms and their twins were supposed to come. I had bought pizza, had my house cleaned, whatever and guess what? Two moms showed up..... without their babies. Their babes were preemies and couldn't be around germs yet, so that I get. But what about the ten other people that just didn't show up? I believe one or two told me they couldn't make it but man, what a let down.
On another occasion, I had a couple moms from that same group over. When one of the moms got ready to leave, she was looking for her daughter's socks. When Evy gave them to her she said, "Oh, these can't possibly be my daughter's. Hers came RIGHT from the wash." In essence, she was saying, "Holy shit lady, you have dirt on your floor." I was so embarrassed, and obviously didn't invite her over again. She had no idea that I spent hours that morning cleaning, sweeping, mopping, making snacks, doing dishes, etc all while taking care of my four munchkins.
Another time, I invited a couple moms to my house and we had decided on 10:30 for a time. She called me at 8 and told me she'd be here in 30 minutes instead of at the time we had agreed upon! Who even does that!??!?
There's one group of moms (not from that group) that I do connect with, but they live 30-45 minutes away which makes it tough to just meet at the park for a couple hours. They do accept me for who I am, though, and man do I appreciate that more than I've probably told them!
The other part of my anxiety with other moms stems from interactions on social media. I have strong convictions on some subjects that tend to be "hot topics" and its not always easy to convey thoughts accurately without looking at a person's face and expressions. I've figured out that my Achilles heel is that I care about things way too much. For example, if I see someone post a picture of their child's car seat being used improperly its hard for me to just scroll on by and not say something. If someone says that their child is a picky eater and has issues with textures, and I hear "sensory issues" I feel the need to say something. If someone says that its okay to forward face their kiddo at 12 months because the pediatrician said so, its super hard not to post an article saying why its 5 times safer to rear face until at least two and that its the new recommendation to do so.
My words to these people are not malicious. I know that I am maybe too honest at times, but I haven't figured out a way to change that. After I graduated from high school I told myself that I would stop being fake and trying to be someone I'm not. And I don't do that anymore. But where has that gotten me? Nowhere apparently. Honesty pisses people off I guess and I'm really just not sure what to do about it. They ask for opinions and then get upset when you give one that they didn't expect. Makes no sense to me, but it is what it is.
This stay at home gig is 1000 times harder than I expected, and I openly admit that. But I know it won't be forever that I have 4 under 4 so I'm trying to make the best of a tough situation.