=(

This sums up today:

Wake up at 4:30 a.m. for no reason

Pounding headache

Dizziness

No desire to eat

Need to renew car registration to the tune of $350

Boo

First OB appointment

Last Wednesday Brian and I went to the very first OB appointment!  I have to admit, I was a little scared to meet a new doctor since I had been taken care of by the same one for so long.  I had never been to this office before and actually got a little lost on my way there.  But, eventually I found it!

I get up to the office and its very nice!  The lobby has lots of plush armchairs to sit in and very modern decor.  I think it says a lot about a place that keeps up to date instead of just looking run down.  Since it was my first appointment, I had a mountain of paperwork to fill out.  After that, they called me back pretty promptly!  (I hate waiting!)

A nurse took me back and got my long and drawn out history.  She had a portable laptop to just type everything into which was pretty cool.  After she finished with the history she told me to drop my drawers and wait for the doctor to come in. 

To me its not ideal to meet the doc while half naked and only having a sheet over your legs, but I suppose its all part of the business.  Dr. B came in the room and he was younger than I thought he would be.  He told me that he had read my "book" from the fertility clinic last night and we all (Brian was there with me too) laughed a little bit.  We talked about my history of pregnancy loss and how I was nervous about this pregnancy as well.  I know the babies are growing perfectly, but I still can't help being worried.  It just goes along with the territory I think.

After we all talked for a bit I wasn't sure why I was undressed since I didn't actually see an ultrasound machine in the room.  But, I guess the use a portable one and just bring it into the room that they need it in!  Dr. B told me that he likes to see patients with twins often and he likes to do an ultrasound every time! Yippee!!  I think those were the sweetest words that I have ever heard!  After going through infertility treatments and being monitored very closely I didn't want to go weeks in between appointments and never get to see my babies.  Every time I see them I am able to relax and breath and for a few days until I figure out something else to worry about.   He also said that if I am ever feeling "nervous" or "just don't feel right" that I should call and he will check on the babies.  Overall, I think we picked a great doctor.  It seems that he understands my history and my nervousness about the whole thing.  I am pretty high maintenance I suppose and don't want him to think I am crazy wanting to make sure everything is okay every so often.

Eventually Dr. B went and got the ultrasound machine.  He checked on the babies and they are so cute! One of them was even wiggling around again.  He didn't measure the heart rates, but rather just confirmed that they were there.  The babies measured right on 10 weeks or maybe even a day ahead.  Its just amazing to me how they are transforming into baby looking figures instead of blob looking things.

We go back on April 8th for the first trimester screening (NT scan) and were told to bring a flash drive so they can load pictures on that for us! How sweet is that! 

I think this is the one previously labeled as "Baby A"

This would be "Baby B"  Look how cute he/she is!!

At first I had no idea what this picture was supposed to be, but if you look closely at the + signs, he was measuring the Subchorionic Hematoma (SCH)  Its basically a small blood clot or pocket of blood that caused the bleeding a couple weeks ago.  He said that it was hard to find, but eventually he did find it.  Its pretty small, so he said not to worry about it, but all I do is worry!!!

Last but not least, I couldn't resist taking a picture of the empty vial of PIO and the very last syringe full of the PIO that was going to be stuck in my rear! This also means that Brian doesn't have to get up at the crack of dawn and stick me every morning!! Yippee!

One more injection!

I have been on Progesterone in Oil (PIO) injections since approx. January 26th.  Now, these shots are not like the little tiny insulin needles that feel like a little pinch and you're done.  This injection is with a 1 1/2 inch 26 gauge needle that goes in my butt/hip area.  To make it even worse, there is only about a space with a 3 inch diameter on each side that you can inject into to get it in the right spot.


 So lets count..... approx 2 months of daily injections in a teeny tiny area = lots of bruises.  Brian does a great job of trying to avoid the bruises, but lately it has been difficult.  The medication is also in an oil, so its hard to push in.  The last few injections have literally felt like liquid fire.  Imagine a huge needle going through a bruise and then taking about 30 seconds for a thick liquid to burn all the way in.  Yup, it sucks.  But, the PIO was helping support my babies until the placenta could make its own progesterone.

Tomorrow marks the LAST day of the PIO.  (And estrogen for that matter as well.)  I take my last shot tomorrow, along with my last estrogen supplement and then on Wednesday go back in for blood work to make sure that my levels are okay without being supported.  I will be 11w0d and Wednesday and will hopefully feel a little bit more like a regular pregnant person and not one walking on eggshells every second of every day.

Pictures from 9w0d

Yes, I know, I am a week late with my ultrasound pictures from last week!  I will try to do better, I swear!!

In these pictures Blob A was measuring 8w6d (Yes, its fine to measure 1 day behind) and had a heart rate of 185.  Blob B measured exactly 9w0d and had a heartrate of 170 (I think.. that was a whole week ago...) 

So, as far as I know the babies are cooking along and are actually making me a little bit fat! I have to admit, the pants were a little tight this week so I am trying to figure out what I can wear to work that is stretchy and comfortable.  I'm not exactly sure when people start showing with twins,  so maybe I will have to take a picture of my tummy later this week and let you all decide if its babies or just a bulge. =)

Two thumbs up for food today!

This weekend Brian and I had some friends visiting from Wisconsin and it has been very nice to see them!  Since it is their last night here, we decided to go out for some yummy dinner at a place called Cafe Jordanos.  This is an Italian place in a strip mall (yup a strip mall!) that is totally amazing!!!  The calamari was sooo yummy and crunchy with a non-chewy inside and a salad with a balsamic vinaigrette that was to die for!! The tomato on the salad was even red.... which is hard to find in Colorado in the middle of winter. 

Anyways, on to the dessert.  Before we went to dinner, I said, "Oh guys, we have to go to Dairy Queen after dinner!! I really want some ice cream!" Mind you, I am lactose intolerant and rarely want to eat ice cream because it makes my stomach a gurgling mess. 

After dinner comes and I see the tiramisu on the menu which I absolutely need to get.  But, I couldn't justify eating TWO desserts now  could I?  Well, as one of our friends said, Baby A wants the tiramisu and Baby B wants the ice cream..... so if they want it then you have to have it, right? LOL  I thought it made total sense so I went with it and man was that ice cream good! I had a "mini" midnight truffle blizzard.  Yummmmmm. =)

Too Many Pickles

Today I was hungry so I went to the refrigerator to see what was there.  I saw the jar of baby pickles and thought hmmmm that sounds yummy.  I ate the whole jar.  Ok, so it was a small jar but still.....  After that I had some jelly beans.  I figured I had eaten enough salt for the day so maybe I should have some sugar to round it out.  Boy was I wrong... the combo just made my stomach feel like a twirling sandstorm.  I guess I know better now.

Ultrasound Pictures from 8w1d

I had all of my ultrasound pictures in my purse and someone at work says, "Um, do you want me to scan those for you so that you still have them if they get wrecked?" I think the co-worker was looking at my purse going, "wow, what do you keep in that thing?" And figured something would eventually spill or crinkle the pictures.  So, I know they are from last week (the 1st one is the 7w0d pic from  before) but I go in tomorrow for another ultrasound so its time to post them!

Its crazy to see how much the babies have grown in just 1 week from the first picture to the rest!!  Hopefully tomorrow we will see their arms and legs and maybe a little wiggling around!!

Feeling good about feeling bad

Ever since the HPTs were positive I have been waiting for the "symptoms" to show up.  You know, morning sickness, sore BBs, peeing all the time, etc.  Until the last couple of days I have been feeling pretty good all around.  I am super tired, but other than that, feeling fine.  That worried me.  Everything worries me!  I keep thinking... why am I not sick yet?  Why don't I feel like crap?  Are my babies okay?

Well, I think that I am finally getting my wish.  Let me just sum it up very quickly:

FOOD IS GROSS! LOL

I am trying to eat lots of protein and things that are good for me, but meat in general just feels so gross in my mouth.  Its all squishy and icky tasking.  I am having cravings for crunchy things like apples, grapes, etc.  I know that I can't survive on that forever, so today I went out and bought some protein shakes.... We'll see how those taste.  Hopefully not like chalk and yucky disgustingness.

Oh, and I go in for a 3rd ultrasound on Wednesday! I can't wait!!

First Scare- 8w1d

Today started out like any normal day.  I woke up, ate breakfast and went to work.  Today is one of the days in my schedule that I have no plan time, so I really need to plan my potty breaks well.  It was 8:40 in the morning and the kids come to my class at 8:45 so I decided it would be a good idea to pee before starting a long day.

I went to the bathroom and was very shocked to see blood on the TP.  It wasn't much, but enough to scare the living daylights out of me.  I went back to my classroom and called the clinic immediately to see what I should do.  The nurse was very nice and asked if I would like to come in for an ultrasound.  I said, "Of course!"  I am having trouble waiting inbetween appointments anyways, and with the sight of blood I was even more freaked out!!  I made the appointment for 3:00pm because that was the latest appointment they had for the day. 

All I could think about was geez, do I really have to wait until then? But I was also thinking... how the heck am I going to be able to leave work so early??  Luckily after I told some staff memebers what was going on, they were totally flexible and agreed to keep thier class in the afternoon and not send them to Spanish. I am lucky that I work with people who are supportive and caring enough to give up their planning period so that I could leave early!

Anyways, I got to the clinic and the receptionist is like, "Are you okay?" And I'm like, "Of course i'm not okay! I'm in a total panic!" and she's like, "Yeah, thats normal."  I'm pretty sure every single person in this office knows whats going on with everyone.... Not sure if thats a good or a bad thing. 

I went back to the ultrasound room and was scared to pieces!!  I will just cut to the chase: everything is fine.  It was crazy to see how much they have grown in just a week's time.  Instead of just tiny blobs on the screen, they look like big blobs!  Each baby was measuring at 8w2d, so 1 day ahead.  They had heart rates of 170 and 178bpm which are in the normal range I'm told.  I even got to see the tiny hearts beating away.  It was just the strangest thing I've ever seen! 

I guess I'm still finding it hard to believe that I am carrying twins.  I don't really "feel" any different except for that I am soooo tired and could probably go to bed at 6pm every night.  Also, I can't see whats going on in there unless I go to the doctor.  I'm sure the reality will set in when my pants don't fit and I feel something moving around in there.  But until then, I guess I will continue to worry. 

Is this for real?

When I woke up today, I had this feeling of, "Did that all just happen yesterday or was it all a dream?"  I feel like I have been waiting so long that I just kept thinking that disappointment was around the corner.

NOT THIS TIME! 

Now, my plan is to keep this "news" from my co-workers until mid-April.  I am up for tenure this year and I don't want anything to get in the way of their decision to rehire me for the long haul.  My official due date is October 19th, but from what I've read, twins tend to come earlier than the normal 40 weeks.  We do start school on August 15th, so that will give me a good month and a half to two months to work, but I just don't want to give my employer a reason to not want me back at all. 

It may sound easy to keep your mouth shut, but for those of you who have met me, are you kidding??? I am a very open person and tend to tell people whats on my mind.  I have grown close to a lot of people that I work with and they have helped keep me sane during this crazy infertility roller coaster.  I feel bad not sharing my joy with them, but hopefully when they find out and can actually see my twin baby belly they will still be very happy!!  I will be about 13 weeks or so when I plan on telling people, so I just hope I am not showing too much by then! (Although i secretly want a huge belly NOW!)  But, as my mom told me yesterday, "You will be as big as a house!!" Maybe I should hold off on wanting that... I do like seeing my feet every now and again.

I'm back! Times TWO

I'm sorry that I haven't posted since I got "the news" so I have a lot to update on! 

I'm PREGNANT!!!!

Here are my betas:
13dpo- 117
16dpo- 318
23dpo- 7000+

These numbers aren't super high, but I would consider them to be strong numbers.  I guess that's maybe why I am in shock right now.

Brian and I were so nervous about our 1st ultrasound today.  I kept hearing the nightmare, "I'm sorry Jessica, but there's nothing inside" conversation from the ultrasound tech.  I had to go to work for a half day today since I am running out of sick leave so these crazy thoughts were just wandering in and out of my mind all day.

I finally got home from work, Brian made lunch and then we were off to the doctor's appointment.  Of course, we took our sweet time eating lunch and we were LATE! I know! I have been waiting for this day for 2 1/2 weeks and we couldn't even manage to be on time!? WTH!  Oh well, we made it and it was fine. 

The ultrasound tech told me to drop my drawers and came back when she heard the wrinkle of the "privacy" sheet.  (I know, what for right?) I was almost too scared to look at the screen because of fear of the unknown I suppose.  But, could I really not look? I thought I had seen.... what.... ok is this what I really think I'm seeing???  And the tech says... "How do you feel about TWO?" Oh my gosh!  I think Brian and I just looked at each other like WOW, are you serious??  I mean I knew we had good embryos, but WOW! 

Both twins measured exactly 7w0d which is exactly what I am today! One had a heartbeat of 136 and the other was 134.  The tech and the nurse practitioner said they were both looking "perfect" so hopefully I have nothing to worry about! 

So now my task is to find a OBGYN and I go back to the RE's clinic in 2 weeks to get another ultrasound!  Yippee!!! I am over the moon right now

Sorry this picture is so fuzzy!  I took the pic with my phone and then uploaded it here! but, you can clearly see blob A and blob B!