This week back at work has been very challenging. I'm not used to getting up, getting ready, and leaving the house all day. I used to get up around 6:00 and I now have to get up around 5:30 to leave on time. The girls usually don't wake up until about 6:00 or 6:30. I pump, wake Brian up, and try to at least change the girls and feed one for a little bit so I feel like I get to spend a little bit of time with them.
Now since they go to bed fairly early I feel like they aren't even awake at all when I am home. I try to get home at a reasonable time but it usually ends up being 5:30-6:00pm. As soon as I am home I am put on baby duty which I am happy about. It is actually relaxing to come home and take care of the girls. I just feel so guilty that I hardly get to see them during the work week. I pretty much spent every minute with them for the first three months and now.... nada. I know they are being taken care of but I have this unreasonable fear that they will forget who I am. Brian is mostly taking care of them during the day but while he is teaching or at class our friend is watching them. Its only 15-20 hours/week but that seems like more time than I actually see them which is sad.
I wish I had a solution to this so that I could stay home but right now quitting my job is just not an option. We really need my salary and I get insurance through my job as well. Brian won't be done with his PhD program for another couple of years either so him getting more jobs isn't really a great option either. I don't know.... I just don't like feeling like someone else is taking care of my kids. They are my kids. I'm sure lots of people do daycare or have a nanny but I just don't really like it.
2 comments:
This has to be so hard. ((hugs)) Enjoy every minute of the weekend with your beautiful girls!
Yes, very hard! Thank you! This weekend has been absolutely fab so far. Nothing better than spending it snuggling with the girls =)
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