Its become obvious to me over the past few months that I really can only count on myself. It sounds sad, sure, but its the truth. For me, asking for help is never fun. I like to think that I can handle everything that life throws at me but sometimes I need people to step in and lend me a hand.
Let me give you an example or two: Just before Christmas, the kids got sick. All 4 of them. It was a Wednesday I believe and just after bedtime Elliott started throwing up. Then Ollie. Then Char. And then Evy. It was right around 12 hours of children puking, giving baths, changing clothes, sheets, etc. Are you imagining the worst? Yeah, it was that. And then came the diarrhea. Lots of it. Diapers filled to the brims with nasty icky poo. All 4 of them. I even put the girls in diapers because I wasn't sure they would be able to make it to the toilet every time. So lets go to Friday. Its about 5 pm and guess who was next? You guessed it. Me. I had exactly what they did over a 48 hour period except for all at the same time. I was so sick that I had the worst stomach pain imaginable. I couldn't sit, stand, do anything without hurting. I couldn't stop throwing up. I couldn't keep down water, gatorade, nothing. I ended up calling a nurse hotline and the nice nurse on the phone asked me a bunch of questions..... turns out, I was severely dehydrated and had to go to the ER. So who was going to take me? I was way too sick to take myself and Brian had to stay with the kids. It was about 10:30 at night and I called my neighbor K. I asked if she could take me to the ER (10 min away) and she said, "No, I'm in bed already." I said, "Really!?" and she replied, "Yes, really. I'm sorry. I'm in bed already."
I think i was a bit shocked that she said no. It wasn't like it was 1 am or something. I called my other neighbor and he said he'd be right over. He didn't ask questions. Just said yes. AND he even picked me back up at 4am or whatever crazy time it is.
Here's another one for you.... I posted a picture on my FB account asking if anyone could help me organize/hang/tag some clothes for a kids consignment sale. One friend said yes and that she could come that same day. Sweet!! ( I thought!) She messaged me a few minutes later asking what I was doing that evening thinking that's when she was going to come. Nope. She wanted me to watch her older 2 so she could go to an appointment. Total bait & switch.
Do you see the trend here? Me too. I'm not sure if it was the way I was brought up or what, but helping people is a nice thing to do. I don't always have time, but if someone asks for something and I can do it, then I do.
Overall, I'm just feeling bitter about this whole thing. Are people so consumed with their own lives that they can't help someone out? Am I silly for thinking that people WANT to help just out of the kindness of their hearts? We don't have any family nearby, and I know that if they lived closer they would help us with things in a heartbeat.
So from now on, when people ask me for something, I will need to think long and hard about it. Its hard for me to say no but that might be what I need to start doing.
Monday, March 23, 2015
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Yes, I'm still here!
Its been incredibly too long since I last posted here. This last year has been tough. Insanely tough. The girls are now 3 and have opinions out the wazoo. And my boys? They are TWO years old. Yes, you got that right. I have two "threenagers" and two cute little boys that are entering the terrible twos. We are out of the baby stage which opens up the possibilities for going places and doing things but there are also new daily challenges as well.
People keep saying that "it will get easier, just wait." But, I truly think that things don't get any easier, the challenges just shift and change.
Parenting isn't easy, and we all know that. But, what really caught me off guard is how hard it is to connect to other moms and find my village. I've invited random moms over from my Mothers of Multiples group and that didn't go well at all. Once, I hosted a playdate where I think 10 or 12 moms and their twins were supposed to come. I had bought pizza, had my house cleaned, whatever and guess what? Two moms showed up..... without their babies. Their babes were preemies and couldn't be around germs yet, so that I get. But what about the ten other people that just didn't show up? I believe one or two told me they couldn't make it but man, what a let down.
On another occasion, I had a couple moms from that same group over. When one of the moms got ready to leave, she was looking for her daughter's socks. When Evy gave them to her she said, "Oh, these can't possibly be my daughter's. Hers came RIGHT from the wash." In essence, she was saying, "Holy shit lady, you have dirt on your floor." I was so embarrassed, and obviously didn't invite her over again. She had no idea that I spent hours that morning cleaning, sweeping, mopping, making snacks, doing dishes, etc all while taking care of my four munchkins.
Another time, I invited a couple moms to my house and we had decided on 10:30 for a time. She called me at 8 and told me she'd be here in 30 minutes instead of at the time we had agreed upon! Who even does that!??!?
There's one group of moms (not from that group) that I do connect with, but they live 30-45 minutes away which makes it tough to just meet at the park for a couple hours. They do accept me for who I am, though, and man do I appreciate that more than I've probably told them!
The other part of my anxiety with other moms stems from interactions on social media. I have strong convictions on some subjects that tend to be "hot topics" and its not always easy to convey thoughts accurately without looking at a person's face and expressions. I've figured out that my Achilles heel is that I care about things way too much. For example, if I see someone post a picture of their child's car seat being used improperly its hard for me to just scroll on by and not say something. If someone says that their child is a picky eater and has issues with textures, and I hear "sensory issues" I feel the need to say something. If someone says that its okay to forward face their kiddo at 12 months because the pediatrician said so, its super hard not to post an article saying why its 5 times safer to rear face until at least two and that its the new recommendation to do so.
My words to these people are not malicious. I know that I am maybe too honest at times, but I haven't figured out a way to change that. After I graduated from high school I told myself that I would stop being fake and trying to be someone I'm not. And I don't do that anymore. But where has that gotten me? Nowhere apparently. Honesty pisses people off I guess and I'm really just not sure what to do about it. They ask for opinions and then get upset when you give one that they didn't expect. Makes no sense to me, but it is what it is.
This stay at home gig is 1000 times harder than I expected, and I openly admit that. But I know it won't be forever that I have 4 under 4 so I'm trying to make the best of a tough situation.
People keep saying that "it will get easier, just wait." But, I truly think that things don't get any easier, the challenges just shift and change.
Parenting isn't easy, and we all know that. But, what really caught me off guard is how hard it is to connect to other moms and find my village. I've invited random moms over from my Mothers of Multiples group and that didn't go well at all. Once, I hosted a playdate where I think 10 or 12 moms and their twins were supposed to come. I had bought pizza, had my house cleaned, whatever and guess what? Two moms showed up..... without their babies. Their babes were preemies and couldn't be around germs yet, so that I get. But what about the ten other people that just didn't show up? I believe one or two told me they couldn't make it but man, what a let down.
On another occasion, I had a couple moms from that same group over. When one of the moms got ready to leave, she was looking for her daughter's socks. When Evy gave them to her she said, "Oh, these can't possibly be my daughter's. Hers came RIGHT from the wash." In essence, she was saying, "Holy shit lady, you have dirt on your floor." I was so embarrassed, and obviously didn't invite her over again. She had no idea that I spent hours that morning cleaning, sweeping, mopping, making snacks, doing dishes, etc all while taking care of my four munchkins.
Another time, I invited a couple moms to my house and we had decided on 10:30 for a time. She called me at 8 and told me she'd be here in 30 minutes instead of at the time we had agreed upon! Who even does that!??!?
There's one group of moms (not from that group) that I do connect with, but they live 30-45 minutes away which makes it tough to just meet at the park for a couple hours. They do accept me for who I am, though, and man do I appreciate that more than I've probably told them!
The other part of my anxiety with other moms stems from interactions on social media. I have strong convictions on some subjects that tend to be "hot topics" and its not always easy to convey thoughts accurately without looking at a person's face and expressions. I've figured out that my Achilles heel is that I care about things way too much. For example, if I see someone post a picture of their child's car seat being used improperly its hard for me to just scroll on by and not say something. If someone says that their child is a picky eater and has issues with textures, and I hear "sensory issues" I feel the need to say something. If someone says that its okay to forward face their kiddo at 12 months because the pediatrician said so, its super hard not to post an article saying why its 5 times safer to rear face until at least two and that its the new recommendation to do so.
My words to these people are not malicious. I know that I am maybe too honest at times, but I haven't figured out a way to change that. After I graduated from high school I told myself that I would stop being fake and trying to be someone I'm not. And I don't do that anymore. But where has that gotten me? Nowhere apparently. Honesty pisses people off I guess and I'm really just not sure what to do about it. They ask for opinions and then get upset when you give one that they didn't expect. Makes no sense to me, but it is what it is.
This stay at home gig is 1000 times harder than I expected, and I openly admit that. But I know it won't be forever that I have 4 under 4 so I'm trying to make the best of a tough situation.
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