Yes, I'm still here!

Its been incredibly too long since I last posted here.  This last year has been tough.  Insanely tough.  The girls are now 3 and have opinions out the wazoo.  And my boys? They are TWO years old.  Yes, you got that right.  I have two "threenagers" and two cute little boys that are entering the terrible twos.  We are out of the baby stage which opens up the possibilities for going places and doing things but there are also new daily challenges as well.

People keep saying that "it will get easier, just wait."  But, I truly think that things don't get any easier, the challenges just shift and change.

Parenting isn't easy, and we all know that. But, what really caught me off guard is how hard it is to connect to other moms and find my village.  I've invited random moms over from my Mothers of Multiples group and that didn't go well at all.  Once, I hosted a playdate where I think 10 or 12 moms and their twins were supposed to come.  I had bought pizza, had my house cleaned, whatever and guess what? Two moms showed up..... without their babies.  Their babes were preemies and couldn't be around germs yet, so that I get.  But what about the ten other people that just didn't show up?  I believe one or two told me they couldn't make it but man, what a let down.

On another occasion, I had a couple moms from that same group over.  When one of the moms got ready to leave, she was looking for her daughter's socks.  When Evy gave them to her she said, "Oh, these can't possibly be my daughter's.  Hers came RIGHT from the wash."  In essence, she was saying, "Holy shit lady, you have dirt on your floor."  I was so embarrassed, and obviously didn't invite her over again.  She had no idea that I spent hours that morning cleaning, sweeping, mopping, making snacks, doing dishes, etc all while taking care of my four munchkins.

Another time, I invited a couple moms to my house and we had decided on 10:30 for a time.  She called me at 8 and told me she'd be here in 30 minutes instead of at the time we had agreed upon! Who even does that!??!?

There's one group of moms (not from that group) that I do connect with, but they live 30-45 minutes away which makes it tough to just meet at the park for a couple hours.  They do accept me for who I am, though, and man do I appreciate that more than I've probably told them!


The other part of my anxiety with other moms stems from interactions on social media.  I have strong convictions on some subjects that tend to be "hot topics" and its not always easy to convey thoughts accurately without looking at a person's face and expressions.  I've figured out that my Achilles heel is that I care about things way too much.  For example, if I see someone post a picture of their child's car seat being used improperly its hard for me to just scroll on by and not say something.  If someone says that their child is a picky eater and has issues with textures, and I hear "sensory issues" I feel the need to say something.  If someone says that its okay to forward face their kiddo at 12 months because the pediatrician said so, its super hard not to post an article saying why its 5 times safer to rear face until at least two and that its the new recommendation to do so.

My words to these people are not malicious.  I know that I am maybe too honest at times, but I haven't figured out a way to change that.  After I graduated from high school I told myself that I would stop being fake and trying to be someone I'm not.  And I don't do that anymore.  But where has that gotten me? Nowhere apparently.  Honesty pisses people off I guess and I'm really just not sure what to do about it.  They ask for opinions and then get upset when you give one that they didn't expect.  Makes no sense to me, but it is what it is.

This stay at home gig is 1000 times harder than I expected, and I openly admit that.  But I know it won't be forever that I have 4 under 4 so I'm trying to make the best of a tough situation.

Parenting and Social Media

As a stay at home mom, it seems like social media is my only tunnel into the outside world.  I spend most of my days at home with the kids with little or no actual adult interaction (aside from Brian.)  Sure, we do go on play dates to the park, have people over occasionally, and visit other people's houses but those things don't happen every day.  For the post part from 8:00 am-8:00pm I am on mom duty.

I will admit that I probably use my phone to check my FB, post pictures to IG, etc too much, but I feel like its the only way I can connect with others.  Its an escape for me to read up on what other people are doing, and see the comments on my latest "cereal all over the floor" picture.

Lately, though, instead of finding it a source of entertainment and a way to connect with others, I am finding it more and more of something that makes me feel like a shitty parent.  Some people post about....

• immaculate houses
• kids doing Pinterest projects every day
• how they only eat organic food because the other stuff has carcinogens in it
•  that they take their kids to the science museum, little gym, dance class, soccer class, gymnastics class or whatever every day or week
• the fact that their kids never do anything wrong, or act out in public, and are just perfect angels

I'm sure I could go on and on. And on. And on. And on! about the fake things mommies put out there as their persona.  Now, yes, I get that there's a difference between being a Debbie Downer and keeping it real, and I try to keep it real.  I absolutely cannot stand those moms that I KNOW are only posting the "best of the best."  I like to post cute things my kids say too, but that's not all I do.  I actually, sometimes feel bad for those people that feel like they have some status to live up to.  It must be hard work trying to be perfect in every aspect of your life.  

I know that I'm starting to ramble here, but my point is that parenting has been hard since the beginning of time, and it seems that its  especially hard when social media plays such a role in it.  I'm a pretty confident person when it comes to my parenting decisions, and I'm realizing that stupid social media is making me re-think everything and is really taking that confidence away.  No one seems to understand what its like to parent not one, but two sets of twins.  Everyone thinks they can imagine what its like, but they just can't.  Until you've lived a day in my chaotic world, you have no idea what its like. Seriously!  Everyone has an opinion about everything and I think I'm just tired of letting those opinions influence the way I do things.  

Its one thing for people to be genuine, and offer support and guidance through comments and messages but I don't feel like that's what's happening.  I find that even other moms with twins aren't supportive and helpful in most situations.  We've just gotten so far away from face to face interactions that people feel that they can say whatever they want behind a computer because there's no consequences.  I'm here to tell you that there are.  The consequence last night was me, bawling my eyes out, in my kitchen trying to feed my kids dinner and put them to bed.  

My point through all of this is that parenting is no easy task.  People may put on a show for their FB friends, but I guarantee there's more to them than that.  Their kid probably spilled the dog food, threw spaghetti at the wall, made a huge mess, peed on the floor, or whatever.  They just don't post about it because they don't want to look bad.  Well guess what? It doesn't make you look bad to post those things.  It makes you look like a real person.  I wish more people would show that side of them.

What a whirlwind.....

As I'm sure you can imagine, things are always nuts over here.  Some weeks we just lay low and hang out at home and others it feels like we are hardly home at all. 

Saturday night, Brian and I got a sitter and went out for a friend's birthday. Brian drove, and let's just say that I didn't hold back on the drinks.  I managed to find that fine line between being happy drunk, and drinking way too much that you have a hangover.  This mama has no time for hangovers!

 

On Sunday morning I got a few things done and then after lunch a friend came over to help me make jam.  The week before, I pretty much lost my mind and purchased about 50 pounds of apricots from the store because they were on sale.  It seemed like a good idea at the time, and then I realized I had no idea how to make jam and can it properly.  A friend of mine came to the rescue and offered to come help me make it all.  It was a ton of work and I was tired beyond belief afterwards but holy crap, we made 77 jars of jam! (And canned fruit!)

This is what 50 pounds of Apricots looks like

About halfway though. At this point we had 34 jars of jam and were working on the canned fruit in a light syrup.  We also did 3 jars of Apricot butter

The haul!  Pretty amazing huh?

After the kids went to sleep, I made myself a vodka and apricot juice cocktail.  YUM-O!

Apricot jam on toast.  Heavenly

 

Monday we didn't do anything super exciting.  The girls and I started out the day by watering our container garden.  We just planted it on Friday I believe but better late than never, right?  During the kids nap time I finished up a Batman cape that I think turned out pretty awesome.  The emblems were hand cut out of felt.  I hadn't made one before, but with the help of an online tutorial and some pointers from some friends I got it figured out!  Oh, and I can't forget that Brian helped with the Batman.  That's kind of his thing.

 

Its the girls' job to give the plants "a drink of water"  We had to talk in depth about the fact that we couldn't pick green tomatoes.  It didn't stop them from picking  a tiny green pepper though...

Ollie enjoyed some mangos for lunch.  This kid cracks me up

Reversible Batman cape!

 





Tuesday we were supposed to get some pictures taken.  Long story short, but they are free so I thought, why not?  Monday night I just really didn't feel like having to get the kids ready for pictures so I asked if we could reschedule.  I also wanted to make some tutus for the girls and capes for the boys as props but I just didn't get a chance to do that yet.  So, instead of the photos, I decided it was a good idea to take all 4 kids to the pool by myself.  We met about 5 other moms there, too. The boys skipped their morning nap, it was chilly out, and everyone was super crabby so it didn't go great.  I'm glad I tried, but honestly it was pretty much a disaster and a half.  Tuesday night, I had about 5 other MOMs over for drinks and a bonfire.  It was pretty awesome to just sit outside and socialize without the kids right there!  Since it was at my house, I wasn't really watching my tequila intake.... whoops.  Lets just say that I was pretty tired on Wednesday morning.

I tried this whole slice grapes between two plates thing and I must have done it wrong because it didn't work

Tequila! Its from TJs and really is quite good. 

 

Today, Wednesday, I took the girls to a play date at a park with other multiples.  There were 3 sets of triplets, probably 6-7 sets of twins, and a few singleton siblings.  The girls really had a great time playing with the kids and I was happy to be able to talk to some other MOMs!  On our way home, we picked up a friend's daughter who was going to help me organize the basement.  That place had just become a complete black hole of toys and such.  And right now, its 9 pm and I am beyond exhausted.  Tomorrow, the plan is to take it easy.  We'll see how that goes.