Thanks! =)

I just wanted to say thank you for all of you out there in bloggie world that read and follow my blog!  It has been very therapeutic for me to write down my struggles with infertility and read other blogs of the same content.  It makes me feel like I am not the only one that has been through all of this (which I now know that I'm not!)

If you just started reading recently, here is a quick summary of my IF journey! =)

Brian and I got married in July of 2005.  He is in a wheelchair and I have PCOS, hypothyroid and MTHFR.  We knew that we would have trouble conceiving, but didn't really know what we were in for!  In July of 2009 we started seeing a reproductive endocrinologist and did 3 unsuccessful IUIs between Sept. 2009 and December 2009. 

After having no success with that, the RE suggested that we move on to IVF.  We paid everything out of pocket and IUIs were not that cheap so we went for IVF in March of 2010.  The retrieval was very successful! I had approx. 23 eggs and of that 7 made it to 5 day blastocysts.  I developed OHSS so we had to do a freeze all.  In June we transferred 2 blasts which resulted in a chemical pregnancy and in October we thawed the rest (only 2 survived) and transferred those resulting in a blighted ovum.  After the miscarriage we were totally devastated and didn't really know how we were going to get past it.  The only thing I thought would help was to try again. 

We cycled again in January with an even better round of IVF which we ended up with 9 blastocysts- 2 of which were transferred and are now the baby girls growing in my belly! Brian and I are so lucky that our second cycle of IVF was successful.  Honestly, I don't know how much more heartbreak we could have gone through as we were both emotionally and physically drained from the crazy roller coaster of infertility. 

I am guessing that if you read my blog you are either going through IF treatments or are now hopefully having a successful pregnancy. (Or, you are someone in my family!)  If you haven't commented before (or even if you have!) What is your story?? Leave me a comment with your blog address and I will be sure to check it out! =)

Beta Today

Today I will go in for my beta test! I am so nervous I think I could throw up right now.  They will draw the blood and call me at probably 2:00-3:00.  Last time I took the whole day of the beta off so I could just spend the day with Brian.  We went shopping, had lunch and it was a lovely day!  But, since I am running out of paid time off, I decided to go back to work at noon and wait it out there.  I guess it will be nice to have a distraction, but I hope I can still successfully do my job! 

I don't think I will be posting the results of my beta right away. (Sorry!)  There are a few people in real life that read this and Brian and I haven't decided when we will tell people we are preggo if the results are good today. 

Last time, we told our parents and a few close friends on the day of the beta that we were pregnant.  Two weeks later when we had the ultrasound and found out that we would need a d&c we had to call everyone and tell them the horrible news.  I couldn't even make the calls myself so Brian took on the task. 

I feel like people are so excited for us to start our family and with every negative test or horrible results people just get more and more dissappointed.  So, if we do get pregnant again we are going to have to talk long and hard about if/when we will tell people. 

I know that if I go through another miscarriage I would have support, but I just don't know if I want to put people through that again. 

With that, I am off to get my blood drawn and I will write again when the time is right! 

Stims TONIGHT!

Ever since my miscarriage, this cycle seemed sooooooooooo far away.  I almost feel like I am dreaming and that this isn't really happening- but it is!

Yesterday I went in for BW and an U/S.  They were checking my lining to make sure that it was thin and counted my resting follies.  I had 20 on the right and 13 on the left! Wow, that seems like a lot of resting eggies!! They also did a blood test for estrogen to make sure that it was nice and low.

After the u/s, the nurse told me that everything looked great and that I could start the stims on Monday!  Lat time I was on 225 of Menopur for 7 days and this time I will be dropped down to 150 of Menopur.  Last time I got OHSS and couldn't have a fresh transfer so this time we are really pushing for a fresh because of the increased success rates. 

If you are reading this, thank you, and I really need lots of positive thoughts this time.  I am trying not to get so excited about this cycle because I don't want to set myself up for heartbreak again, but I really am excited! 

Ugh

This will be the fourth time that I have been on Lupron for infertility treatments.  The first three times I seemed to feel fine while on it. It could be because I wasn't looking for symptoms, but who knows.

Today's Lupron shot will be number seven.  I woke up today with a pounding headache.... which I normally don't ever have.  I am also very bloated and extremely tired.  I suppose I don't really know if its the meds or not that are making me feel sort of crazy, but thats the only thing that I can think of.

Instead of just staying home today feeling like hell, Brian and I decided to go out for some "breakfast" even though it was 12:30 and do some shopping.  I had a coupon for American Eagle burning a hole in my pocket and it expires on Sunday.

We went to this outdoor shopping mall just a few miles from our house.  It was really nice to shop outside since its probably 50 degrees today.  We ate at a place called "Cafe de France" and the guy working there kept trying to re-fill my yucky decaf coffee with the real stuff.  I would LOVE to drink a cup of caffeinated coffee (as it may relieve my headache) but the nurse said that I can't have any caffiene or alcohol (boo!) as soon as I start the Lupron injections.  The food was pretty good, but the hashbrowns were square and kind of strange looking, so maybe someone was telling me that I should skip them and save the calories! 

After eating breakfast, we walked around... saw lots of dogs... (they allow dogs in many of the stores at this mall) and went to this store that only sold cupcakes.  They seriously had 3 inches of frosting on them!  It was good, but I could have done without.

Anyways, tomorrow I go in for bloodwork and an ultrasound and if all is well I will start the stims on Monday! Wow!

Cycle Day 1 is here!

As most of my close friends and family know, I am not the most patient of people.  Lately I feel like I live my life waiting for my next "cycle" to start so that I can do yet another infertility treatment.  Back when I started my IUIs (intrauterine inseminations) I was so naive about the whole thing and figured I would be preggo within a month or two.  Unfortunately I am now much wiser and more concerned and impatient with each new cycle.

I haven't had my period since the D&C on November 2nd.  Its not like I really WANT to have a period, but thats the price you have to pay to get started again.  The doc put me on Provera (progesterone) once per day for 10 days to get AF (aunt flo) to come for a visit.  So I finished the pills and was waiting and BAM, the back pain, cramps, and general feeling of ickyness came in full force- or so I thought. 

I called the nurse line to tell them that AF had arrived. Then, the nurse proceeds to ask me questions about it..... (Talk about embarassing!) and she determined that I wasn't having "full flow" yet so I should call back on Monday and give her a "flow report."  We determined that we would wait a couple more days and see what was happening before starting the BCPs (birth control pills.) It does seem nuts that someone trying to have a baby is put on BCPs, but it is their way to control the cycle before starting treatment again. 

I talked to the nurse today and she called just to see, "if I was bleeding or not." LOL  After our conversation she had to talk to the doc and see when for sure I should start the BCPs. It all seems so complicated!

Anyways, I guess I am just excited to get started again.  I never in my wildest dreams thought that in the course of one year I would have two full IVF (in vitro fertilization) cycles, two FETs (frozen embryo transfers) one chemical pregnancy, and a miscarriage.  When I type those things they seem like stuff that only happens to people in sob story movies from the Lifetime channel or things you watch on Oprah.  I never imagined that would be my story and something that would consume my life.

And to top it all off......

Lately I have been really trying to think of things to do to take my mind off infertility.  However, I feel that I have been pretty unsuccessful.  I mean seriously, there has to be something out there to do that doesn't cost loads of money to do......  I am trying to save up for my next IVF cycle which will cost about $16,000! On a teacher's salary! I know, its funny, right?

Ok, moving on.... So yesterday I was at work and it was a pretty normal day.  I hadn't been feeling the greatest since Monday morning, but mostly becasue I had been going to bed super late.  The day was going fine until about 2:00. All of the sudden, it was like the classroom was on fire! I was so hot that I thought I was going to pass out.  But of course, what can I do about this? I have to just keep on teaching because the classes aren't going to teach themselves.  I made it to the end of the day and headed down to the nurse's office.  The nurse was gone, so the secretary took my temperature using this cool thermometer that you just swipe across the forehead.  Neat! She looks at it and goes, "Uh oh!" and told me that I had a temperature of 100.2.  Great, I thought, just great.  I went back up to my classroom and made some sub plans so that if I felt crappy later that I could call in and get a sub. (BTW- thats one hard thing about being a teacher- you can't just call in sick when you are sick because school still goes on when you aren't there.) 

By the time I was done making my sub plans I was freezing cold when just hours before I was roasting. It was then I knew that this "illness" was not getting better any time soon.  I got home, fell asleep for a while, woke up and took my temp again.  It was 102.3! This was getting bad, and fast! Thats when I decided that it was NOT a good idea to go to work and risk A.) getting sicker and B.) getting everyone else sick.

While it was nice to be able to stay home and rest, the looming thought in my mind was, "Will I have enough sick time left to do IVF again this spring?" IVF requires a lot of appointments which in turn means time off of work. This is my 3rd year at my job and this is the "critical" year because if I get renewed again, I will have tenure or non-probationary status.  So, I really don't want to do anything to not get renewed.  I have talked with both principals (I teach at two schools) and they are both very supportive of my decision to start a family.  However, I still don't want to do anything to make them question hiring me on for the long haul.