Is everybody dealing with infertility these days???

I go back to work tomorrow and I had to run a few errands today while the girls were sleeping and Brian was at home getting some work done.  I first went to BRU to get some Plum Organic pouches that were on sale for 15/$15 which is a great deal.. they are usually almost $2 each.  After I went there, I stopped at the mall to get a pedicure.  I have broken my big toenail like 3x and something had to be done about it.  I couldn't go to work tomorrow wearing flip flops and ugly toes...

Anyways, I was talking to the nail technician about the girls and about the twins on the way.  She asked if twins ran in the family (which I'm sure everyone will now that I will have 2 sets) and I said no, they were conceived through fertility treatments.  There was a gal sitting next to me that was kinda listening to our conversation and after I said that she asked, "Did you go to CCRM?"  (A fertility clinic her in Denver.)  I said no, I went to Conceptions and she proceeded to tell me that she was 8 weeks pregnant herself and had gone to CCRM!

We chatted a little bit while we were getting our toes done and it was nice.  She said she did a FET after her fresh was cancelled because "her levels got too high" which I think she meant that she had hyperstimulated.  She said that she didn't know if she could do it all again for more kids with the shots, etc.  And I don't blame her.

I guess I have been open with my infertility journey to pretty much anyone who cares to listen.  I know a lot of gals at work found it interesting just to hear about the whole process and everything that it entails.  But, I just forget that a lot of people are "in the closet" with their infertility because they feel ashamed of it or something.  But, its generally not something that you could have controlled and it is a disease.  Its just like cancer or anything else that needs a doctor to fix.

I guess the point of this post is just that infertility affects people everywhere.  I am kinda glad that I said something about my new set of twins because otherwise this gal I was sitting next to may have felt like I was just any old person that was able to have two healthy babies after a hot night in the sack.

Thanks! =)

I just wanted to say thank you for all of you out there in bloggie world that read and follow my blog!  It has been very therapeutic for me to write down my struggles with infertility and read other blogs of the same content.  It makes me feel like I am not the only one that has been through all of this (which I now know that I'm not!)

If you just started reading recently, here is a quick summary of my IF journey! =)

Brian and I got married in July of 2005.  He is in a wheelchair and I have PCOS, hypothyroid and MTHFR.  We knew that we would have trouble conceiving, but didn't really know what we were in for!  In July of 2009 we started seeing a reproductive endocrinologist and did 3 unsuccessful IUIs between Sept. 2009 and December 2009. 

After having no success with that, the RE suggested that we move on to IVF.  We paid everything out of pocket and IUIs were not that cheap so we went for IVF in March of 2010.  The retrieval was very successful! I had approx. 23 eggs and of that 7 made it to 5 day blastocysts.  I developed OHSS so we had to do a freeze all.  In June we transferred 2 blasts which resulted in a chemical pregnancy and in October we thawed the rest (only 2 survived) and transferred those resulting in a blighted ovum.  After the miscarriage we were totally devastated and didn't really know how we were going to get past it.  The only thing I thought would help was to try again. 

We cycled again in January with an even better round of IVF which we ended up with 9 blastocysts- 2 of which were transferred and are now the baby girls growing in my belly! Brian and I are so lucky that our second cycle of IVF was successful.  Honestly, I don't know how much more heartbreak we could have gone through as we were both emotionally and physically drained from the crazy roller coaster of infertility. 

I am guessing that if you read my blog you are either going through IF treatments or are now hopefully having a successful pregnancy. (Or, you are someone in my family!)  If you haven't commented before (or even if you have!) What is your story?? Leave me a comment with your blog address and I will be sure to check it out! =)

Ugh

This will be the fourth time that I have been on Lupron for infertility treatments.  The first three times I seemed to feel fine while on it. It could be because I wasn't looking for symptoms, but who knows.

Today's Lupron shot will be number seven.  I woke up today with a pounding headache.... which I normally don't ever have.  I am also very bloated and extremely tired.  I suppose I don't really know if its the meds or not that are making me feel sort of crazy, but thats the only thing that I can think of.

Instead of just staying home today feeling like hell, Brian and I decided to go out for some "breakfast" even though it was 12:30 and do some shopping.  I had a coupon for American Eagle burning a hole in my pocket and it expires on Sunday.

We went to this outdoor shopping mall just a few miles from our house.  It was really nice to shop outside since its probably 50 degrees today.  We ate at a place called "Cafe de France" and the guy working there kept trying to re-fill my yucky decaf coffee with the real stuff.  I would LOVE to drink a cup of caffeinated coffee (as it may relieve my headache) but the nurse said that I can't have any caffiene or alcohol (boo!) as soon as I start the Lupron injections.  The food was pretty good, but the hashbrowns were square and kind of strange looking, so maybe someone was telling me that I should skip them and save the calories! 

After eating breakfast, we walked around... saw lots of dogs... (they allow dogs in many of the stores at this mall) and went to this store that only sold cupcakes.  They seriously had 3 inches of frosting on them!  It was good, but I could have done without.

Anyways, tomorrow I go in for bloodwork and an ultrasound and if all is well I will start the stims on Monday! Wow!

Cycle Day 1 is here!

As most of my close friends and family know, I am not the most patient of people.  Lately I feel like I live my life waiting for my next "cycle" to start so that I can do yet another infertility treatment.  Back when I started my IUIs (intrauterine inseminations) I was so naive about the whole thing and figured I would be preggo within a month or two.  Unfortunately I am now much wiser and more concerned and impatient with each new cycle.

I haven't had my period since the D&C on November 2nd.  Its not like I really WANT to have a period, but thats the price you have to pay to get started again.  The doc put me on Provera (progesterone) once per day for 10 days to get AF (aunt flo) to come for a visit.  So I finished the pills and was waiting and BAM, the back pain, cramps, and general feeling of ickyness came in full force- or so I thought. 

I called the nurse line to tell them that AF had arrived. Then, the nurse proceeds to ask me questions about it..... (Talk about embarassing!) and she determined that I wasn't having "full flow" yet so I should call back on Monday and give her a "flow report."  We determined that we would wait a couple more days and see what was happening before starting the BCPs (birth control pills.) It does seem nuts that someone trying to have a baby is put on BCPs, but it is their way to control the cycle before starting treatment again. 

I talked to the nurse today and she called just to see, "if I was bleeding or not." LOL  After our conversation she had to talk to the doc and see when for sure I should start the BCPs. It all seems so complicated!

Anyways, I guess I am just excited to get started again.  I never in my wildest dreams thought that in the course of one year I would have two full IVF (in vitro fertilization) cycles, two FETs (frozen embryo transfers) one chemical pregnancy, and a miscarriage.  When I type those things they seem like stuff that only happens to people in sob story movies from the Lifetime channel or things you watch on Oprah.  I never imagined that would be my story and something that would consume my life.

My doctor has a heart!

When Brian and I met with Dr. S. a while back to discuss what was next, he said that he would look at how much we had spent at his clinic and come up with some type of discount for our next cycle.  Last Monday, I called the lady in charge of the financial stuff and asked her what the discount would be.  She had no idea so she e-mailed Dr. S. and said she would get back to me on Tuesday. 

I anxiously awaited her phone call on Tuesday.  Finally, late in the afternoon the call came in.  She told me that Dr. S. had reviewed our files and the amount we had paid and decided to do our repeat IVF for................. drum roll please.............. $3,000!!!! Oh my gosh! I almost fell out of my chair at work when she told me this!! She said, "I knew you would be happy!!" That was an understatement if I had ever heard one.  She also said, "Well you know you will still have to pay for meds, and the anesthesiologist fee, but $3,000 is what Dr. S. is going to charge for his fees." 

As soon as we got off the phone, I ran into the office and called Brian.  He was just about as shocked as I was to hear the news. Now, we will still have to pay $2000-$3000 for medications and $400 for the anesthesiologist, but that is not much compared to what the original total would have been (about $16000.)

We had thought about switching clinics for this round of IVF, but after meeting with the doctor, decided against it.  His generosity really shows me that he is a doctor that cares about people, and their desire to become parents.  He told us before that he had to be aware of what he was doing to us emotionally, physically, and financially, and this shows that he meant it. 

The holidays are a time to give to others and show people that humankind is good and not just about themselves.  The holidays are about giving what you can to those in need and paying forward what you have been so lucky to receive. 

And to top it all off......

Lately I have been really trying to think of things to do to take my mind off infertility.  However, I feel that I have been pretty unsuccessful.  I mean seriously, there has to be something out there to do that doesn't cost loads of money to do......  I am trying to save up for my next IVF cycle which will cost about $16,000! On a teacher's salary! I know, its funny, right?

Ok, moving on.... So yesterday I was at work and it was a pretty normal day.  I hadn't been feeling the greatest since Monday morning, but mostly becasue I had been going to bed super late.  The day was going fine until about 2:00. All of the sudden, it was like the classroom was on fire! I was so hot that I thought I was going to pass out.  But of course, what can I do about this? I have to just keep on teaching because the classes aren't going to teach themselves.  I made it to the end of the day and headed down to the nurse's office.  The nurse was gone, so the secretary took my temperature using this cool thermometer that you just swipe across the forehead.  Neat! She looks at it and goes, "Uh oh!" and told me that I had a temperature of 100.2.  Great, I thought, just great.  I went back up to my classroom and made some sub plans so that if I felt crappy later that I could call in and get a sub. (BTW- thats one hard thing about being a teacher- you can't just call in sick when you are sick because school still goes on when you aren't there.) 

By the time I was done making my sub plans I was freezing cold when just hours before I was roasting. It was then I knew that this "illness" was not getting better any time soon.  I got home, fell asleep for a while, woke up and took my temp again.  It was 102.3! This was getting bad, and fast! Thats when I decided that it was NOT a good idea to go to work and risk A.) getting sicker and B.) getting everyone else sick.

While it was nice to be able to stay home and rest, the looming thought in my mind was, "Will I have enough sick time left to do IVF again this spring?" IVF requires a lot of appointments which in turn means time off of work. This is my 3rd year at my job and this is the "critical" year because if I get renewed again, I will have tenure or non-probationary status.  So, I really don't want to do anything to not get renewed.  I have talked with both principals (I teach at two schools) and they are both very supportive of my decision to start a family.  However, I still don't want to do anything to make them question hiring me on for the long haul. 

Need to Vent!

I am officially sick of seeing pregnancy tickers, ultrasound photos, baby pics, preggo belly pics, and comments about how people hate being pregnant on Facebook!!  It seems like every my news feed refreshes, there is someone new saying something about their new family or their family to be.  Some days I really feel like putting something on my status to the effect of what I said earlier, or unfriending everyone with the "perfect happy family" but then I realize that if I did  that I probably would have about 12 friends on Facebook. 

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy that people are having babies, as it has happened for centuries and will continue until the end of time, but honestly I am very jealous.  It seems as though people who don't even want babies or like babies can just sneeze and get pregnant and are then like Whoops! There are so many people like Brian and I around that have been together forever and would do just about anything to have a baby. Its just frustrating to say the least.

 I know that most people do not understand the world of infertility and couldn't possibly understand how much it feels like a slap in the face every time you see babies or someone pregnant. I think that if people were educated on the issue of infertility, maybe they would be more sensitive but who knows. 

On a happy side note, I finished the literature review part of my paper that I have to write for my Master's degree! It took a long time, many distractions, and much support from my dear husband but I finally got 'er done! Yippee! =D