12 weeks!

Feeling great!! Next week I go for my NT scan.... Can't complain about 1 1/2 hours of ultrasound scheduled. I love seeing my little twinsies!!!

No staff members have asked about my belly.... But one of the students did. He asked if I was "still" pregnant... I said no, but that's not a lie right! :)

Ignored

So I thought that I had plans to hang out with a friend today, but it turns out she doesn't want to answer her phone.  I shot her a text and asked what we were going to do today... no response.  I called about an hour later thinking she didn't hear the text and got "ignored."  (You know, when they make the phone stop ringing and send it straight to voicemail.)  Not sure what's going on, but I guess I was just looking forward to getting out of the house and doing something today.  Its not that I can't go somewhere by myself with the girls but its just nice to have some company too.  The park is a fun place, but when there are two little girls that want to go in two different directions things can get pretty tricky.  Brian is off with his friends today so he's not home either.  Its just the anti Sunday Funday I suppose.

No more PIO!

The title says it all... no more huge shots to my super bruised up booty.  Yesterday was my last one.  I didn't take a picture of it like I did last time because... well, I didn't know it was going to be my last one!  I was supposed to have my last injection today but I kind of decided that I didn't feel like getting poked today.  I figured they just sort of give you a random date to stop anyways, so what's one less day?  I go back in on Sunday for my last BW check at the REs office and then I will be done there.  :)

Fat or pregnant looking?

I am almost 11 weeks now and my clothes pretty much don't fit.  I had to do the hair binder trick with my pants for work today and they still weren't very comfortable.  I have also noticed people looking at my belly at work the past couple of days. I'm not sure if they think I'm pregnant or if I just ate too much over the summer.  I think I might spill the beans after the NT scan on September 5th... I will be 13 weeks then. 

Stress

I had a very stressful first day back at school to say the least.  I won't go into any details, but let's just say that this could be a very interesting school year.

I am feeling so stressed out and I just have no idea what to do about it.  I need to find a way to get rid of some of this anxiety that does not include alcohol, caffeine, working out, yelling at people, getting out of the house alone, breaking stuff, throwing a fit, complaining to coworkers, driving really fast, or really anything else that I might normally think of.  Perhaps a glass of warm milk you say? Gross.

I was thinking that I would tell people at work this week that I'm pregnant, but I don't think I will.  I have the NT scan/first trimester screening on September 5th so I might just wait until after then or when my belly looks suspiciously pregnant.

I had an OB appointment on Monday and so I asked how long I should plan to work this time and he said maybe only until Christmas or sometime into January.  I'm assuming if things look okay (cervix not dilating, etc.) them maybe I can work a little bit longer so who knows.  I found out today that my work does not have short term disability insurance.  So, basically if I have to go on leave early I will either have to use my 12 weeks of FMLA leave time and go back to work for a few weeks at the end of the school year or take extra unpaid leave where I would probably have to pay for my own insurance as well.  Neither of those options are great, so I am just going to hope that I can work until 35 weeks again like last time.   I really need to talk to somebody in HR just to firm up what I think I already know, but I'm just not ready for them to "officially" know that I'm pregnant again.

I think this post is a good indicator of what is going on in my brain right now.... very random thoughts all over the place.  I guess that's what the beginning of the school year does to me :)

Is everybody dealing with infertility these days???

I go back to work tomorrow and I had to run a few errands today while the girls were sleeping and Brian was at home getting some work done.  I first went to BRU to get some Plum Organic pouches that were on sale for 15/$15 which is a great deal.. they are usually almost $2 each.  After I went there, I stopped at the mall to get a pedicure.  I have broken my big toenail like 3x and something had to be done about it.  I couldn't go to work tomorrow wearing flip flops and ugly toes...

Anyways, I was talking to the nail technician about the girls and about the twins on the way.  She asked if twins ran in the family (which I'm sure everyone will now that I will have 2 sets) and I said no, they were conceived through fertility treatments.  There was a gal sitting next to me that was kinda listening to our conversation and after I said that she asked, "Did you go to CCRM?"  (A fertility clinic her in Denver.)  I said no, I went to Conceptions and she proceeded to tell me that she was 8 weeks pregnant herself and had gone to CCRM!

We chatted a little bit while we were getting our toes done and it was nice.  She said she did a FET after her fresh was cancelled because "her levels got too high" which I think she meant that she had hyperstimulated.  She said that she didn't know if she could do it all again for more kids with the shots, etc.  And I don't blame her.

I guess I have been open with my infertility journey to pretty much anyone who cares to listen.  I know a lot of gals at work found it interesting just to hear about the whole process and everything that it entails.  But, I just forget that a lot of people are "in the closet" with their infertility because they feel ashamed of it or something.  But, its generally not something that you could have controlled and it is a disease.  Its just like cancer or anything else that needs a doctor to fix.

I guess the point of this post is just that infertility affects people everywhere.  I am kinda glad that I said something about my new set of twins because otherwise this gal I was sitting next to may have felt like I was just any old person that was able to have two healthy babies after a hot night in the sack.

A Friend

A really good friend of mine has been TTC for somewhere around 3 years.  They have been doing OPKs, timing, all of that.  She went to the fertility doc and got checked out and was fine.  She even lost a huge amount of weight!  (Way to go!)  This week, they finally took the plunge and got her husband a sperm analysis.  The results-zero sperm.  She doesn't even know how to deal with this information right now.  She told me that she would rather have it be something wrong with her because you can't make sperm out of nothing.

I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone, especially a good friend.  She is an amazing person and is going to be a fantastic mother.  She cares so much about other people and always puts them first.  She has been such a good friend of mine through all of my infertility madness and I just hope I can support her as much as she has supported me through my IF journey.  So, friend, I won't say your name here, but you are an amazingly strong woman and  I know this is just a bump in the road for you.

9 weeks 3 days

I don't know why I get so worked up about everything... because the babies are doing fantastic!

Baby A measured 9 weeks 4 days with a heart rate of 175!

Baby B measured 9 weeks 4 days with a heart rate of 173!

I guess I just got a very short lived bout of nausea and now I am hoping it doesn't come back.  I officially graduated from the REs office today.  Its always bittersweet.... they have taken such good care of me, but now its time to move on to the regular baby doctor.  I have my first OBGYN appointment on Monday and then the NT scan in probably 3ish weeks.  I think that it has to be done by 13 weeks or so.  

Appointment tomorrow

I go to the REs office tomorrow and will be done there!  Its crazy to think that I am "graduating" once again.  I can't imagine I will be going back any time soon.  We have 3 frosties that will be kept frozen for a long while.  It costs $350/year to keep them on ice, but its worth it.... I'd hate to discard them, want more kids later, and then have to go through another $12K fresh cycle.  Yikes.... that just doesn't sound like fun.  However, when these next set of twins come, I think more kids will be the last thing on our mind with 4 kids in diapers.  I am hoping that Char & Evy follow suit like I did and are ready to potty train at 2 years old.  That would mean only 7-8 months of 4 kids in diapers.  (Is there such a thing as a home-made diaper??? LOL)  Paper towels and those plastic pants perhaps? ha.

I always get so nervous before these appointments.  Remember how I was saying that I was super sick last week and had to take Zofran?  Well, I took it, felt awesome, and continued to feel awesome.  I got some energy back and haven't felt sick at all.  My first thought is that crap- something is wrong.  So I have been worrying for the last few days that the babies didn't make it.  I really hope I am just lucky and those icky symptoms just left.... I mean I wasn't sick at all, ever with Charlotte and Evelyn.  So, who knows.  I just need to chill out I suppose.  Brian went to every single appointment with me last pregnancy (except for one) and he can't come with me tomorrow either.  We couldn't get anyone to watch the girls so that means Brian is going to stay home with them.  We could maybe bring them with.... but I really don't like bringing the girls to the fertility clinic just out of respect for the other patients.  We brought them once when we had a consult with the RE but we knew we wouldn't be sitting in the waiting room for very long, etc.    I just hope all is well tomorrow and if it is, I will probably tell people at work next week.  I also have an OBGYN appointment on Monday.  I had to pack it all in before I officially go back to work on Wednesday.

By the way, the girls are 10 months old!! Pictures and the monthly post to come.... hopefully soon :)

My new best friend

I think I had about 1 minute of morning sickness when I was pregnant with the girls and that one minute was probably created in my mind because I wanted to feel something to know that I was still pregnant and everything was okay.  I even told my friend Nina that I wanted morning sickness because I was just so worried all the time and if I was sick, then I knew my hormones were being all crazy.

I'm trying to be a little bit more relaxed this time around because I know if something is going to happen, then well its going to happen whether or not I just sit and worry.  I didn't wish for any nausea this time, but it is definitely here in full force.  I haven't thrown up at all yet (thank goodness) and have been eating a ton of saltine crackers, gummy bears, and ginger ale.  At my appointment on Tuesday the Nurse Practitioner I saw asked how I was feeling and I said not good.  She asked if I wanted a prescription for something (which at the time I didn't really need) and I said that it might be a good idea to have some anti nausea meds just in case.  I thought for sure I didn't want to be caught in a situation at work where I was puking my guts out and not be able to do my job.

So anyways, I filled the Zofran and I'm pretty glad that I did.  I couldn't really eat much today and I think that was part of what was making me feel so sick as well.  So, I took some zofran and was able to eat some yogurt and an apple for dinner.  Brian's not home to cook me something so I guess I'm just stuck digging in the frig for what I can find :)  (Ok, yes, I could cook something myself, but its 9pm and I just don't feel like it.)

The girls are doing great.... Charlotte is just getting over some type of stomach bug that had her sick for just about a week.  I was worried about her for a while as she wouldn't hardly drink or eat anything at all.  But, today she woke up, drank her bottle and decided to feel much better.  So glad!  I didn't want to have to take her to the doctor again... I think the ped's office thinks I'm a hypochondriac... or whatever you would call it when you think your kids are sick all the time :)

8 week ultrasound

I had an ultrasound on Tuesday when I was 7 weeks 6 days (They said 8 weeks 0 days)

Baby A was measuring 8 weeks 3 days with a heart rate of 168 and Baby B was measuring 8 weeks 2 days with a heart rate of 162.  I was a little worried about our little baby B because just a week previously it was only measuring 6 weeks 4 days!  So, I guess the little guy or gal really sped up the development! Thank goodness.  I have pictures that I need to scan or take a picture of... I will do that soon-ish.  I have just been so dang tired lately.

My next (and final) appointment at the REs office is a week from today and then I have my first OB appointment on the following Monday August 13th.  Its so surreal most days that I am carrying twins again.  Maybe when my belly gets huge I will really believe it!!