You know you're a.....

twin mama after infertility when:


You cook Thanksgiving dinner
Sleep from 6-11pm
Get up around 8 on Black Friday
Go to Kohl's
Go to Olive Garden
Go to Target
Feed & change babies at Target
Go home
Drink a Red Bull
Spend 2 hours cleaning
Feed Babies
Make dinner
Finally crash after babies are sleeping

And are a happy person at the end of the day =)

Unsuccessful Success

Brian was sleeping and I decided to try and tandem breastfeed.  It was good at first because both girls latched and fed for a good 20 minutes or so.  Fast forward 5 minutes.  I put both girls in their swings and they were happy for like 5 minutes.. then WAAAAAAAA. They were both still hungry and not happy.  Grrrr. Now to try and feed them with bottles at the same time.

Thanksgiving (a day late)

This Thanksgiving Brian and I spent the holiday with our new family!  Sometimes we have friends over for dinner but not this year.  We made a huge dinner like usual and it was super yummy!  But, when we got done we were both so incredibly tired that it was just ridiculous.  In fact, I was so tired that Brian let me sleep for a solid 5 hours!  What an amazing husband. 

I have so much to be thankful for this year!  I am so lucky that I got to spend Thanksgiving with my two beautiful daughters.  They only had milk for dinner but its all the same to them.  I am also thankful for my wonderful husband Brian.  He is the best daddy ever!  He takes nighttime feedings so that I can get some sleep and takes care of the girls while I go out and spend time with my friends occasionally.  He is so funny with the girls and is trying to teach them the little bit of Spanish that he does know.  I am fluent, but he's the one saying funny phrases to them.  Its very cute. 

I am also thankful for all of our friends and family that have supported us throughout our struggle with infertility and with the twin pregnancy.  I am amazed that five baby showers were thrown for us!  We could have never afforded all of the wonderful things we have for the girls and we are just so lucky to have so many people that care about us and the girls. 

Last, I am thankful for the health and good fortune of our family.  I am lucky enough to have a job and Brian is picking up more classes this spring at another college to help make ends meet.  Depending on his schedule we will probably have to hire someone to watch the girls for a few hours per week but that will probably be good for his sanity. 

Feeling Refreshed!

About a year and a half ago one of my good friends moved to Texas.  We worked together for two years and became great friends.  Even though she is a few hundred miles away, she always comes back to Colorado for Thanksgiving and Christmas to see her family and friends.  She called me yesterday and we made plans for today since she would only be in town for a few days.   The first thing I said to her was something like, "I NEED MARGARITAS." LOL  It seems like we are always finding some shenanigans to get ourselves into and today was no different. 

She came to the house first and checked out the babies.  After hanging out for a bit, we went out for some Mexican food and boy was it yummy!  I ordered the "Cadillac" Margarita and she got a blended raspberry one.  It was seriously the best tasting margarita I think I've ever had!  I also had some super yummy fajitas with guac and sour cream.  Yummmmm.  We left the restaurant and went to the mall for a bit.

The first store we went into was The Gap.  I was trying on some pants when Eleanor found some very furry looking accessories and just had to try them on. 

Now those are some "boots with the fur" LOL

After we went to The Gap, we went to American Eagle.  We made a few jokes about how we were old enough to be the kids that were shopping at the stores teachers.  We are almost 30 and still shop there, but that's okay, right?  Once again they had some amazingly tacky furry accessories and we couldn't help but to try them on and giggle like teenagers.

This is how people from Texas dress when its "freezing" at 60 degrees in Colorado haha

After making complete fools of ourselves, we went to Payless and bought some flip flops so that we could go get pedicures and not have to put our boots back on and get the polish all messed up.  I got a sparkly pink color with a pretty flower!

Pretty Toes!

It was so great to get out of the house for a couple hours and goof around at the mall.  There has to be a balance in life and I balance staying at home with going to the mall and acting silly with friends!  When I got home the girls were starting to wake up so I fed them and let daddy go lay down and relax for a bit.  I actually feel more rested than I have in days and I really didn't sleep any more than usual.  I guess it was just really nice to see a friend and have some good 'ol girl time.

One Year Blogaversary

One year ago (yesterday) I started blogging!  What a year its been I must say.  I started this blog as a way to vent my feelings and not take them out on other people.  I miscarried early November and felt so alone and like no one understood what I was going through.  I was at the lowest of lows in my life and didn't know how I was going to dig my way out.  The only way I knew how to deal with things was to keep going with the fertility treatments.  I thought that if I kept pursuing my goal of becoming a mother then the pain would go away. 

Don't get me wrong, I still think about that baby that could have been. But had that soul not been lost, I would have never met my beautiful Charlotte and Evelyn that I am so lucky to have. 

Becoming part of the bloggie community has taught me a lot about patience and perseverance. I have connected with others that are in the same situation with regards to infertility.  Some women have had success since I started reading their blogs and some still have yet to see a positive HPT.  In fact, one of the gals that I follow just today saw her first positive test after 3 years of TTC!!  Congrats girl!  I am so happy for her.  Anyways, I have to say that I am one of the fortunate ones that have beaten infertility and have a success story to tell.  This blog has served as a diary of my journey and something that I will share with the girls when they are older.  I hope they will know how much they are loved and wanted and if they ever question it I suppose I have these memories to show them just how special they are and how many people supported us on the journey to conceive them. 

I plan to continue blogging but I suppose I have made the shift now to talking about parenthood.  Being a twin mom, I know I have more challenges than others may have but I also have a different perspective on motherhood as well. 

Newborn Pictures!

One of the services that the hospital offers is taking newborn photos while you are still at the hospital.  Someone comes right to the room and snaps the photos and then you have the option to buy them later if you want.  Well, who can say no to already taken newborn photos?  Not Me!  The prints were crazy expensive so we just bought the CD for a reasonable price.  Here are a few of them! 

Charlotte

Evy & Char

Charlotte

Charlotte

Evelyn

Evelyn

Char & Evy

Char & Evy

6 Week OB Appointment

Today I went back to the  OBGYN for my 6 week post c-section appointment.  I didn't really know what the appointment was for.... I figured they would just check my scar, ask a few questions and send me on my way.  Nope!  Instead, the nurse asks me to undress.... all the way!  Huh? I was not expecting that at all and hadn't even shaved my legs.  Whoops. Little did I know that they would be doing an annual exam and a breast exam.  It was no big deal, but it would have been nice to know what to expect. 

I told the doc about my milk issue and he gave me a prescription for Reglan.  He said in a lot of patients that he has it has increased the supply so much that no formula supplementation is necessary... even with twins!  I am hoping this is the case because the formula is so crazy expensive! 

The doc also asked why exactly we had to do IVF and what our plan for birth control was.  I almost actually started laughing.  I was just thinking to myself... birth control?? Why would I need that??? He just said that after pregnancy often a woman doesn't know when she ovulates before her first period.  But, I don't really ovulate either so... yeah..... don't think that will be a problem.  I guess being an infertile will save me a few bucks by not using birth control. ha. 

I had to go to this appointment without Brian and with the babies today.  I took my dad to the airport and went straight to my appointment.  I was about 45 minutes early but didn't really have time to go home, feed the babies, then get everyone packed up in the car and go to the appointment.  When I got there, the babies were sound asleep!  I though... hmmm... do I wake them to change/feed them? Or, do I wait and hope they don't wake up during the appointment.  I decided to wake them up.  I got Evelyn changed & fed and Char changed before they called me back. But of course they were not happy campers being awake and in their carseats.  The nurses were super nice and took them and held them while I was talking with the doctor.  I felt bad at first that they had to watch them, but they said that they actually look forward to people bringing their babies back and getting to hold them for a little while.  I must say, it was nice that they were so accommodating. 

I also asked the doc when it was safe to try for more babies.  He said to wait at least six months.  I don't know why anyone would really want to try sooner than that anyways... that would be a little nutty.  It actually scares the crap out of me to think about going down the road of fertility treatments again....... the emotional rollercoaster of that is just not something a person can really look forward to.  But, I wonder if it will be so stressful after already having a successful pregnancy.  Who knows.  All I really know is that we still have 7 frozen embryos to think about.  That is for later though.  Right now I have two beautiful girls that I can't take my mind off of.  Every time I look at them I just think about how much I love them and how lucky I am to be their mommy.

Evy (left) was making some grunting noises and some rumblings in her pants were happening.  Char (right) was looking at her saying, "Whats that smell? Do you have poopy in your pants?" 

Sleep = Awesome

Its amazing how clearly I can think today!  I actually feel well rested and like a normal person.  The girls slept last night from about 11-3 were awake long enough for me to feed them and then from 3-7!  They typically fuss, cry, etc. for a little while after they are done eating but last night they were perfect little angels and seriously read my mind.... mommy needed sleep! To make last night even better, Brian got up for their morning feeding and so all I had to do was pump and I went back to bed for about three more hours.  Even though it was broken up, approx. 9 hours of sleep felt like a million years!!

After I got up at about 11am, Brian had to get working on his homework.  His paper isn't technically due until Tuesday, but my dad is coming to visit from Minnesota Sunday-Tuesday so Brian doesn't want to be working on homework the whole time he is here.  My dad is the last of the grandparents to come visit and I think its wonderful that all four of them have been able to make the trip out here to Colorado.  We are going to Minnesota for Christmas so the girls can meet their great-grandparents (three out of four live in MN) but they have changed so much already in the first five weeks of life that I would hate for their grandparents to miss out on that.  When we go home for Christmas they will be almost three months old!  I actually can't believe how fast its going and soon I will be back at work.  Boo. 

I really do miss being at work, interacting with people, and having real things to accomplish every day but I think its going to be very difficult to leave the girls as well.  On the positive side, at least the girls will not be going to daycare.  Brian is fortunate enough to have a schedule that permits him to stay home most of the time.  He teaches as an adjunct professor at a college nearby and they are going to tentatively give him classes all on one day.  But, that also means that he would be gone from about 10am-10pm in which case we would have to hire someone to watch the girls from 10-6 or whenever I got home from work.  And Yes, I know that I'm a little crazy for thinking about two months from now but I tend to over analyze things and plan everything too much.  I'm not really sure why I do that since nothing ever works out as planned but oh well!

This post is getting super random but that's okay. 

I joined a "Mothers of Multiples" group back in August when they had the multiples sale.  The group has meetings, events, etc.  One of the events they are holding is a breakfast with Santa!  I haven't been to any events yet and thought this one sounded like fun!  The girls will obviously not remember Santa or their first Christmas but I thought it would be good to get their picture taken.  The mall Santa is probably not the place to be.... especially because of all the potentially germy and sick kids so a small gathering is right up my alley!

Daddy and Evy

Stupid Hormones

I thought that the crazy hormones would decrease after the girls were born but I guess I was wrong.  Today one of my friends posted a picture on facebook of 1000+ ounces of breastmilk all packaged up from the past two months or so.  I'm not really sure what she was doing with the milk or why it wasn't in the freezer and why she was taking a picture but that part doesn't really matter.  I was a little surprised about my reaction to her picture.  I honestly felt super jealous and a little bit upset with my body. 

Currently I am still breastfeeding and supplementing the twins.  Char nurses a lot during the day and gets formula at night (so that Brian can feed her and I can sleep!) and Evelyn gets mostly formula with 2-4 bottles of breastmilk mixed in throughout the day.  Basically, I have barely enough milk to provide for one baby and not a drop more.  I feel very guilty that I am forced to give them yucky formula and that my body can't provide for my babies.  I know it sounds pretty stupid that I am so upset about this, but I just wish my body would do something right for once.  Its not uncommon for someone to have a low milk supply, especially for twins, but I also know that breastmilk works on supply and demand.  If the demand is there the supply should just up itself.  So I just keep asking myself, am I pumping enough? Am I nursing enough? Should I wake up more often during the night and pump more?  Am I eating enough calories and drinking enough water?  The answer to all of these questions is probably not.... 

I just want what's best for the girls and I don't want to regret not doing all that I can for them.  I just wish the stupid PCOS didn't affect my hormones and milk production so that this wasn't an issue.  Brian just thinks I am crazy and that I just shouldn't worry about it, but he just doesn't get it.  He's not the one that feels like a failure.

On a totally different note, my friend Michelle came to visit us from Minnesota for the past five days.  It was super nice having someone else around to help change diapers & hold crying babies.  It was also great to catch up and have lots of girl talk.  I feel like I don't get much of that anymore since I'm not working and pretty much spend all of my time at home or with Brian and the girls.  We even got out of the house and took the babies shopping!  It seems that the only place I take them is to the mall or the grocery store so they will probably turn out to be big shoppers just like their mommy. 

Michelle also offered to babysit the girls while she was here so that Brian and I could go out for a date!  I even bought a new dress!  It was so fun to actually be able to shop at a non maternity store again.

Date Night!

Evy and Char in their jammies

Char

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One Month!

Yesterday the girls were one month old!! I can't believe it.  The time has gone by so fast and the girls are getting so big!  Evy barely fits in the newborn clothes.  She has outgrown some of the onesies but the sleepers are still okay.  Charlotte still fits into the newborn clothes but they are getting snug very quickly. 

The twin mom that I got the maternity clothes & car seats from also gave me a giant teddy bear.  She took pictures of her kids in the bear every month for the first year to see how they grow!  I decided that was a super cute idea and took their one month picture today! 

Char & Evy

I love the silly looks that they give me!

I took these next two a couple days ago.  I thought it was funny that their outfis matched the swings that they were in! =)

Evy

Char



Halloween

Our Halloween was pretty low key.  I tried to find costumes for the girls but everything I found was HUGE!  The baby costumes were size 0-9months..... let me tell you, there is a big size difference between my newborns and a 9month old baby.  So instead of buying costumes, I just got some cute onesies for the girls.  They looked absolutely adorable!  I tried to dress the dog up too, but his costume was a little small.  Its the same pumpkin costume that I have used for the past three Halloweens so I guess next year I will have to get something else. 

On a side note: I have been slowly but surely working with Evy on the whole breastfeeding thing.  We had some success yesterday and I got her to latch for a good 15 minutes!  The only bad thing is that she was still starving afterwards and we had to give her formula to supplement. 

Char & Evy

Evy

Char

They both ended up on the same side of the bassinet. I guess Charlotte didn't like her sister stepping on her head.

Charlotte loves the bubbles!! She even laughed! It was so adorable.

Evy- sleeping in her carseat

Charlotte- sleeping in her carseat